i wanna cry but tears wont just come out. why? :'(

leave then. i know your doing it for your family's sake and i know your going anyway because its the good life that you want and that the people around you would admire you for being able to chase your dream and being able to live it but is it really what you want?

i dont know if you have noticed or if you have felt it too, but deep inside, i know i love you. honestly, when i heard about you leaving i am like...what? really? i cant believe it. that's why you went suddenly offline. your phone wont ring, ive been sending you messages but you wont even give me a reply. whenever i pass by your house, you're always out with your new-found girlfriend who is so insecure with people like me which she does'nt have to because they are more "normal" than we are but still she is insecure with us. D***! what a dope.

its a good thing i know people who know you and might give me information about you and its a good thing that i always keep in touch with them to keep tabs on you. but just this morning, everything went crashing down when i heard the news. is it really final? what a dumb question, of course it is. duh!? i know, im sorry. ungh! why cant you guys just stay in one place and just be happy with the people around and the things that you have, even if its not the real good stuff, at least you have them.

ungh. i am so down right now. i dont know what to do. i just slept this morning after i found out about you leaving for dubai. you know why? coz i dont want to think about not being able to see you anymore, temporarily i guess and i hope so, coz it just wont make me feel good. i know there are a lot of finer things but...ungh! i am getting nowhere with this post and its all because of you. aside from my real friends, who keep me barely alive, you are one of the perfect reasons i guess why i live in this world. i know we are not meant for each other coz it would be a great contradiction again and again to the balance and to the laws of nature and i understand that.

i plan to be happy if you are happy but why do i feel this now? why do i feel so...empty!? :'(

Jai ho, which means "you are my destiny" in the indian language is translated into the english version by none other than one of my favorite artist(s), the pussycat dolls. in the video at the bottom of the page, it features the original male singer and i think composer of this song, MR. A.R. Rahman.

this song is the soundtrack to the multi-oscar winning movie, the SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. i havent watched the movie yet but a lot of people tell me the movie is really good. its has great lessons to be learned and a very inspiring story about LOVE, DETERMINATION and FRIENDSHIP. i cant wait to watch that movie. im getting my hands on a dvd soon. :)

for a couple of days, Ive lost track of my online life (well, most of them, i was only able to update my facebook yesterday for the reason that i am still halfway through searching my old classmates and im not done yet). here on blogger on the other hand, today is a comeback for me. first, i would like to talk about privacy.

of course, everyone wants privacy in their lives, i mean, who doesn't? one thing i hate about having a shared computer is that, there are several people who are after the computer and worst is, one or the other consumes a lot of time and its kinda annoying dont you think?

this topic will lead me to online games because that is the one thing that i am hating right now. my brother is so addicted to this online game called "dark orbit". early in the morning, he starts playing that game like, insanely. he ditches breakfast and even lunch for that online game.

what does it have to do with me?

well, i wanted to update my blog as often as i can and i know that, in my power, i can update it at least once or twice a day because 24 hours is quite a lot of time and anything can happen and im happy to tell you that there are a lot of things that are happening in my life right now and there are so many things that i want to talk about here on my blog because its the only place in the net that i feel so free to express everything that i want, so there. i hate my brother for being so addicted to the game so what i did, just a couple of hours ago, i blocked "online games" in the parental control feature of the zone alarm security suite that is installed in the computer, meaning, my brother cant access his game tomorrow. haha. i know, im mean, but what can a desperate blogger can do? play fire with fire.

its not just me who is upset about him being so darn addicted to that game, even the owner of the computer is mad at him for one thing and that is damaging the video card of the computer due to over heating. this computer (which is the one i refer to as the shared PC), was assembled by my cousin who is a computer geek. he can tear all the pieces of the computer apart and can put them back together and nothing happens to the thing. well, the incident about the video card being damaged (smelled like melting rubber) got burned and the only person to blame was my brother for playing that game for like the whole day (starting from 6am til 5pm). i dont know how many hours that is because i dont really care because im mad at him too and counting the hours that he spent just by playing that game makes me sick and just makes my blood boil.

and the reason why he always wants to play that game?

he just wants to. can you believe it? imagine this scenario, he was playing it early in the morning and lunch came. he left the computer and it was vacant, meaning, it's another person's turn to use it but after a few minutes, he's back and screams at the one who is currently using the computer that he wants to play and if you say anything, expect the worst. broken doors, dismantled chairs, broken glasses and plates and things hovering in the air because he will just burst with outrage because he wants to play the game and he wants it NOW. i ask you, what will your reaction be if you were in my place?

and do you know how old my brother is? he is turning 36 or 37 this year. hmpf? //_-)

as quoted in an article by MS. JEANETTE I. ANDRADE for the inquirer, GAUDENCIO CARDINAL ROSALES said that

“A homosexual inclination is not bad but acting it out is an entirely different matter, and that is what is written in the sacred scriptures...”

i would really have to agree to that. i mean, there is really no harm for a gay to become a priest but, as pointed out, there is quite a big difference between a homosexual that is sexually inclined and a homosexual acting it out. what im trying to point out is that, some (if not most) of the gay people are not really that bad. its just the matter of how they live their lives as a homosexual, either being a cross-dresser, trans-gender or whatever you would like to call them, or not.

when i heard it being discussed over the television this morning, i was really surprised to hear that there is this one specific priest (which was unnamed) who is gay. at first, i was like, "is he allowed to do that? being gay and all that..." but after thinking things over and making a couple of conclusions of my own, i thought, its not that bad i guess, if only you stick to the plan of being a priest and all that, that you would preach the word of God and nothing else and vow to "go to the right path" this time in your life, then there is no reason for you to be stopped. this is why you exist and finally, your life's purpose has dawned on you after all these years.

but as i have read articles about it online, i discovered that the priest community are not actually alarmed by this issue. only, they are having this critical analysis of some sort on how to address this issue and how to make it sound less immoral or anything of the matter.

why did i say immoral? well, basing on the bible, "OUR" existence in this world is really an obstruction or rather a contradiction, a total twist to the laws of nature and of the laws of GOD simply because the bible states that there are only two gender, the male and the female. no GAY or LESBIAN is stated in the bible and that thought itself clearly states why we are condemned for what we are. people think of us as "immoral" for acting and behaving unusual to what we are supposed to be.

but honestly, it doesn't really matter of what and who we are. its the matter of being able to live our lives as how it was intended to be, a GIFT from GOD. if you want to question him about why he made us, go ahead! the pleasure is all yours. as much as i wanted to ask him that too, i am not in the position to do so. what is there to do is to cherish it and be thankful that he made us like this and that he has given us a chance to see what wonders he had created for man-kind rather than sulking in one corner and just condemn and isolate yourself from the many things that life has to offer.

life has no second chances, only opportunities. the best thing to do is just enjoy life. even if it gives you more downs than ups, what matters is that you find your purpose in life and live it. to quote CARDINAL again:

“even if [the priest] has [homosexual] inclinations, it does not immediately mean that he is evil.”

i would have to agree to this one again. i mean, why cant you just accept us in the community? anyway, its the only place we belong, to be amongst all the living being (humans and animals alike). even if we acted twisted and all that, not all of us have evil minds. we are only here for one purpose and one purpose only and that is to live the life that GOD has given us and just be thankful that he did and just enjoy the blessings that come along the way. we know that life has its own ways but have you forgotten this one specific "old school" quote that goes something like this: "life has many surprises..."?

it pays to watch tv these days. im thankful for not being able to use the computer and make an update as often as i do coz i got stuck with nothing to do but watch tv.

last night, one of the few news that made a buzz was MR. TED FAILON's wife got shot. yip. if you have'nt heard of it yet, might as well watch the tv then coz there are updates about it every hour along with other issues that made a buzz in our country today.

if you dont know MR. TED FAILON, well, he is one of the news anchor of TV PATROL and an announcer over at DZMM. last night, his wife was found dead in their own bathroom. the weird thing about this issue is that the main suspect is MR. TED FAILON himself.

he admitted that he and his wife had a big fight and that he never thought that something like this would happen. aside from the fact that his wife left him a letter saying that she greatly apologizes for their fight and all, he is still the major suspect of this incident. in his defense, he stated that it is impossible for him to shoot his own wife since he wasn't with her at the time when her wife was found in their bathroom. for one thing, he was at work in the morning and his wife was at home and when he came home that night (the same day) his wife wasn't at home so, it is clear that there is no way that he could've done the crime. aside from that, why would he kill his own wife? the only woman that he loved?

but this didn't make the authorities all soft and believed him at once. they are still not convinced and just recently, he was apprehended to come to the police station to give another statement about what happened and again, it made another buzz because he refused to go with the authorities. according to him, why would he surrender himself willingly to the police for another statement when in fact, he already said what he had to say and that he answered what the police had asked him. another thing is that, the police weren't able to secure a warrant of arrest. clearly, under the law, it is a "no no" to force somebody to come along with them if they dont have the proper documentations so, there.

my opinion about this is that, it really is impossible for him to do such a crime, i mean...his statements are clear and he is still in his right state of mind, unless if they can prove that FAILON is sick in the head and is going mad, then that is the time that i would side with the so-called good guys in the society. another thing is that, how could someone like TED FAILON do such a thing? a known journalist in his own right be a criminal and the worst, to his own wife? i mean...really, is he that sick in the head or what? prove it then.

besides, he admitted that they (he and his wife) had a big argument and he said that, if its regarding money matters, he can always find ways on how to solve it. but then, people just cant stop imagining things and that they are way too smart and started to spread around a rumor saying that his wife is "nangangaliwa". c'mon, cant you be more creative than that? this ain't no street side story. it involves known people and something that shallow, be the reason behind all this?

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying.

most of it are true. some of it, i still have to prove that i am or if do i have those traits. hehe. and i love what it says about me. its just so...ME! :)

yeah, easter sunday is fun but it's so hot! Gosh! what is wrong with the world? i wanna go and take another dip in the water. my body is just heating up every second.

im so in love with this woman right now. im currently addicted to tekken 5, and she's in it. i love her capoiera moves (which are also used for "eddy" and "tiger" in other tekken game versions. as ive done a couple of researches on her, i found out that NAMCO, creator of tekken, really hired (or should i say invited) a capoiera master to japan just to have these amazing characters created for the game. aside from christie montero, i also love xiaoyu's character (the sakura-like girl who is an original tekken character along with eddy and jin, which i think are the most famous ones). what i love about these ladies are that they know how to kick but with style. i love how xiaoyu uses her ancient chinese martial arts or something and christie, do the capoiera and everything. im a fan of the brazilian art but i havent tried it yet. though in th future, im planning to take up capoiera lessons just for me to be able to do what christie can do. im just so in love with her. hehe.

oh, what a dreamy night. every summer night is so hot, i dont know what to do to get rid of the hotness. oops. my bad. hehe. i want the nights to be a little bit colder, like 0 degrees or something. hehe. that might be freezing, but its quite worth it after being burned by the heat of the sun for a couple of weeks now and im hating for several reasons eh.

for one thing, its making me have a charcoal-like skin tone. its burning me like hell. next,it makes me bleed. aw? not literally, i just want to use the word for it's brutality. hehe. and all other damgaes that it does to human life and i hate it. hmpf. but i still love christie. :)

i need motivation. someone who can make me say when i get out of bed in the morning that, life is never really that bad, it just needs a little getting used to.