leave then.

leave then. i know your doing it for your family's sake and i know your going anyway because its the good life that you want and that the people around you would admire you for being able to chase your dream and being able to live it but is it really what you want?

i dont know if you have noticed or if you have felt it too, but deep inside, i know i love you. honestly, when i heard about you leaving i am like...what? really? i cant believe it. that's why you went suddenly offline. your phone wont ring, ive been sending you messages but you wont even give me a reply. whenever i pass by your house, you're always out with your new-found girlfriend who is so insecure with people like me which she does'nt have to because they are more "normal" than we are but still she is insecure with us. D***! what a dope.

its a good thing i know people who know you and might give me information about you and its a good thing that i always keep in touch with them to keep tabs on you. but just this morning, everything went crashing down when i heard the news. is it really final? what a dumb question, of course it is. duh!? i know, im sorry. ungh! why cant you guys just stay in one place and just be happy with the people around and the things that you have, even if its not the real good stuff, at least you have them.

ungh. i am so down right now. i dont know what to do. i just slept this morning after i found out about you leaving for dubai. you know why? coz i dont want to think about not being able to see you anymore, temporarily i guess and i hope so, coz it just wont make me feel good. i know there are a lot of finer things but...ungh! i am getting nowhere with this post and its all because of you. aside from my real friends, who keep me barely alive, you are one of the perfect reasons i guess why i live in this world. i know we are not meant for each other coz it would be a great contradiction again and again to the balance and to the laws of nature and i understand that.

i plan to be happy if you are happy but why do i feel this now? why do i feel so...empty!? :'(