WARNING: the contents of this post may not be related to the title.

just in case you might wonder, i havent been thinking straight for the past few weeks. clearly, im outta my league. i just want to share to you guys something that i have learned when i watched a classic movie that made it big in the past year.

recently, i watched TITANIC. man, i was crying like a baby. back then, i never payed attention to what the characters in the movie say. back then, i was way too young and what caught my attention was that the boat was sinking and then it split in half and many people died. then, i cried because many people had to die and most of them are children. so young, they had today when they have all the chances in life to succeed and be able to live their dreams, if only everything went well. but sad to say, GOD had to take them back for a reason no one can ever tell me.

anyway, going back...now, i have cried (again) watching the movie because of what the characters said in the movie. now, i have realized that they teach me something that i should've realized the first time i saw the movie but then again, i never really paid attention to them so pardon me if you may.

well, come to think of it, there werent really much quotes that moved me. in fact, some of them are just the words that came out of their mouths in their normal conversation. though i havent seen the movie from the start this time, the scene that i was able to catch was when JACK did a painting of ROSE butt-naked with only "THE HEART OF THE OCEAN" on her. (REFRESH: the heart of the ocean is the heart shaped sapphire necklace given to rose by her fiance, whom of which i forgot the name)

somewhere later, when everybody went looking for rose, her fiance opened the vault and there saw the drawing of rose and a note that she left that said...

now you can keep us both locked in your safe

or something like that. i never really got the meaning of it until it dawned on me that the reason why rose ended up in jack's arms is that, she never really loved that guy. she was just forced to be with him for the reason that he was the one that her mother wants her to marry and that he was also rich.

going out of the topic slightly, rose's family was one of the richest people back in their time. they despise poor people for being poor and that they never mingled with them for the fact that they are poor. for them, they were peasants and dirty and rugged and they never lived a decent life, just like them. but for rose, it was different.

jack changed her entirely and made her realize that everything is equal. in the eyes of GOD there are no rich nor poor people and for that, things should'nt be treated like how the rich people should treat them.

though i made it sound so complicated, but that's one of the things that i have realized while watching the movie.

in everything we say or do, being biased should not be our attitude towards things. we should be fair and equal. sure, money can buy you things that you have never imagined, but money cant buy you real happiness nor love. there are things that are far more valuable and far more important than money or fame can ever give you.

what am i trying to say here? nothing that no one knows. everyone knows that we should all have this kind of attitude but what do we do? we tend to be blind towards these things and that we let our pride consume and then what happens? everything crumbles into pieces and we are all left with no option than to be helpless.

we shouldnt be this way. never...

i cant seem to live on with my life

with all these drama in sight

id rather be run over by a bus and crack my head

than hear whatever she said.

honestly, when starts to open her mouth

everything is going down south!

CURRENT MOOD: tired...bummed...confused?

THEME SONG: party in the USA by Miley Cyrus

i dont really know what to do. im still confused as hell. i have tried so many things in my head but none of them seems effective enough to satisfy me. what's worst is that, people are trying to tell me what to do with my life and that, in my opinion, is BULLSHIT.

who would ever want to be dictated to? who wants to follow orders that are not even doable?(except those who are working their asses out, big time, trying to make the most out of what they can do earning deserving pennies, cents, nickels and dime for all i care)

c'mon. cant you just please let me be for once? seriously, i am really getting tired of being here in this sick place where the only thing that people do for a living is that they diss each other off and they spread rumors of all sorts of stuff and that just aint cool.

and again, i am tired of making posts that are way too emotional. for the first time since i started posting emotional entries, i have decided to talk about something.

ever noticed those advertisements posted all over facebook? ever noticed those prediction stuff, astrology, numerology, whatever "-gy" word you can think of? well, i tried one just a couple of minutes ago and its something to do with cards. i forgot what they call that kind of "-gy" word but it says something about the roles of playing cards in your life. everyday (or so i think it is...im not really sure) they give you a set of five cards. each card represent something in your life for the next couple of days, weeks, months...even years and the card that came out on my set today disappoints me in one way or another.

i have a 5 of clubs. it says something good shit but i totally forgot about. dang. how can i continue this post if i forgot about what it said? hmpf...never mind. il just have to explain this one out before i would lose my thoughts.

anyways, i think it said something about having a good life ahead of me. im not really sure when exactly is it though. it doesnt really mean too that i will be the richest person on the face of the planet. it just said it that way or something that the 5 of clubs will do me good.

do me good...that sounds really interesting. but what disappoints me is that, so far, it has not been good for me. life has been like hell for me for the past few weeks and i have this feeling that it will continue on until next year, of which i am hoping will not happen because for all i know, i need every single ounce of luck and prayers in the world for all i care.

on the other hand, if the 5 of clubs will do me good, how come it never stopped my parents to decide that they will not send me to school this coming semester? fucked up as it sounds, but yeah. i am again ditching another whole semester because i did something that wasnt pleasing to their eyes. there is nothing i can do about it so i would have to skip that part of the story. what i have to say about that is that of what is mentioned at the beginning of the paragraph.

ungh...i just cant help it. i tried not to make a damn emotional post but look what ive got? sick!! i am sick and forever will be.

PS. my post dont make any sense...does it?

what can one more sermon make when ive heard everything you have to say about me and more?

what good does it make me if, time and time again, i have been you slave and nothing more?

how can i make changes on my own when you cant change the way you have been treating me? treating me like some dog on a loose, a dog who has no owner but has home to stay in?

what will i do for you to change the way that you treat me?

the things that you have done to me has caused me a lot of pain and not even once did i ever complain about and tell you to stop.

ever since i have made my most complicated mistake ever, i have been trying all my best to keep up with all of you and try to do everything to repay you back, even if its not the thing that you expected from me.

i am just so tired. will you give me a break? will you ever let me out of your sight and give me my life back?

if yes, when? how?

i am so confused. i have never felt so insane in my entire life and i am just so sick of it. please....STOP IT!

how i wish all the things that people say about me are true...then i would'nt have to feel so shitty about it. and how i wish everything is as easy as putting food in the microwave oven so that every time i get pissed off with people, i will pop them right into the microwave oven.

Fun to be with. (check)

Secretive. (wanna find out?)

Difficult to fathom and to be understood. (true ba mga friends?)

Quiet unless excited or tensed. (i think so too)

Takes pride in oneself. (ehem!)

has reputation. (eh?)

easily consoled. (mao ba?)

Honest. (daw?)

Cerned about people's feelings. (ooh...nice one! hahahaha. xD)

Tactful. (id rather say tactless...)

Friendly. (kaayo! ahahahaahah. xD)

Approachable. (tinuod bya ni dba?)

Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. (uhuh...uhuh!)

Moody and easily hurt. (weh?)

Witty and sparkly. (go toros! go! hahahaha. xD)

Not revengeful. (chroo!)

Forgiving but never forgets. (i would have to agree with this one...)

Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. (can you say "aling diony"?)

Guides others physically and mentally. (galibog jud ko ani ay...)

Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. (hmpf...i dont know what to say)

Caring and loving. (thank you! bow!)

Treats others equally. (hmpf...what do you say?)

Strong sense of sympathy. (yes?)

Wary and sharp. (hmpf...i dont get this one too...i need a dictionary! fast!)

Judges people through observations. (correct! check hantod sa langit!)

Hardworking. (hmpf...i dont really know!)

No difficulties in studying. (you think? im way too lazy...unsa nalang kaha!)

drifting like a ghost...my mind is offset from the things that i deem important. i am losing my sanity and i need help. i mean help from someone who knows what to with this kind of situation...im not referring to a doctor or some psychological expert...i need someone's caressing words, someone's warmth and everything that goes in between. someone...someone...who i dont know for sure if he/she exists. please...help me!

there are a lot of things that keep bugging me right now and i dont know what to do...//_-)

you got the best of me but i just keep on coming back incessantly. oh why did you have to play your game on me? i should've known right from the start you'd come and break my heart! //_-)

isang malaking IM SO SORRY! nagtatagalog ako ngayon sa dahilan na ako ay busy sa pag-gawa ng aking talumpati. bilang pagbibigay pugay sa aking sarili, nasa baba ng post na 'to ang aking talumpati. bow!

Buong buhay ko, sila ang nag-alaga sa akin at gumabay habang ako ay tumanda. Mula pagkabata, sila ang nagturo sa aking ng mga mahalagang asal na hindi itinuturo sa loob ng apat na pader ng isang pamantasan. Ang aming tahanan ang nagging una ko’ng paaralan at sila ang mga naging una ko’ng mga guro.

Sila ang bumangon sa akin ng ako’y madapa at ngapahid ng aking mga luha. Sila ang naging una kong barkada at kaagapay ko sa hirap at ginhawa. Baka nagatataka kayo kung sino ang tinutukoy ko.

Magandang umaga mahal ko’ng guro Gng. Lourdes Ramirez at sa aking mga tagapakinig, aking mga kaklase, magandang umaga rin sa inyo. Ang paksa ko para sa umagang ito ay tungkol sa mga saloobin at mga karanasan ko sa aking pamilya.

Hindi biro ang mapabilang sa isang pamilya kung saan bawat kasapi ay may kanya-kanyang paniniwala at prinsipyo sa buhay. Bawat araw na dumadaan sa imong buhay, samu’t saring aral ang akin natututuna. Sa nagdaang dalawmpu’t isang taon, marami akong mga nagawang kasalanan at ikinagalit ng aking pamilya.

Pero, nasaan ako ngayon? Nasa piling pa rin ako ng aking pamilya. Bilang pagbibigay pugay sa kanila, ang mga sumusunod ko’ng ibabahagi sa inyo ay ang mga katangian na hinahangaan ko sa kanila sa paraan na hindi lamang nila ako tinuruan maging kung ano man ako ngayon, pati na rin kung paano maging mabuti sa aking kapwa.

Una, nagpapasalamat ako sa poo’ng may kapal dahil binigyan niya ako ng isang huwarang ama. Ang aking ama ay isang taong mapagkumbaba, maawain, matulungin at hindi makasarili. Lampas man sa langit ang galit niya sa akin, pinatawad pa rin niya ako at kinalimutan ang lahat ng nagawa ko sapagkat mahal niya ako at ako ay pamilya.

Sinabi pa niya sa akin na sa aming magkakapatid, ako raw ang pinaka-paborito niya kaya’t ano man ang gawin ko, baliwala sa kanya ang lahat. Basta nakikita niya lang ako araw-araw na masaya, masaya na rin siya.

Nakakatawa man pakinggan pero hinahangaan ko ang aking ina na may M-16 rifle na bunganga. Araw-araw, putak ng putak ng walang preno. Kung makapagsalita ay parang wala ng bukas kung tutuusin. Pero, ano ba talaga ang dahilan kung bakit ko siya hinahangaan? Sapagkat, bawat araw na putak siya ng putak, ni minsan ay nagakamali siyan sa kanyang mga sinabi. Bawat pangangaral, bawat sermon, lahat ay tama. Wala siyang pagkukulang sa mga payo at tila hindi rin siya nauubusan nito kaya, yun and dahilan kung bakit hinahangaan ko siya.

Sa mga kapatid ko, kahit pa minsan-minsan ay brutal nila akong sinasaktan, ganun pa man ay tinatanggap ko ang lahat ng mga pasakit nila sa akin sapagkat, para sa akin, ang mga pananakit nila sa akin ay isang paraan para matutunan ko ang kahalagahan ng buhay at para hindi ko sasayangin ito. Ang mga pananakit na ito ay hindi dahil sa minamaliit nila ang kakayahan ko at ang aking pagkatao. Pa minsan-minsan raw ay kailangan gumamit ng dahas para matuto. Kung sa bagay, matigas nga naman ang ulo ko kaya nararapat lang sa akin na gamitan ng dahas dahil kung hindi, wala akong matututunan.

Lahat nga mga hinanakit sa aking pamilya ay itinatago ko sa aking sarili. Hindi ito dahil sa poot na aking nararamdaman, kundi ito ang pinagkukunan ko ng lakas at determinayon na magabago ako. Iniisip ko sa sarili ko na, baling araw, ipapakita ko rin sa inyo na may natutunan ako sa inyo at pinagsisihan ko ang lahat ng mga kasalanan ko at handa akong magpawis ng dugo sa pagsisikap kung yun man ang ikaliligaya nila.

Sa pagbabalik ko sa pag-aaral, ginagawa ko ang lahat para mapasaya ang aking pamilya. Sa pag-uwi ko gabi-gabi, kahit gaano man ako kapagod at kaantok, pagsisibilhan ko pa rin ang aking pamilya sa pamamgitan ng pagsunod sa bawat utos nila.

Kahit sa mga konting bagay na ito, alam ko na napapasaya ko sila. Sa paraang ito, napapanatili ko ang samahan naming sa pamilya. Dahil ditto, pinapatatag ko ang aming samahan na kung tutuusin ay hindi matanto sapagkat malaki ang agwat ko sa edad nila at minsan ay nahihirapan akong makisabay sa kanila. Minsan nga ay tinatanong ko nalang sila kung ano ang gusto nila para alam ko kung ano ang dapat kong gawin para lang mapasaya ko sila.

Sa kabila ng lahat, mahal ko pa rin ang aking pamilya. Tawagin niyo man akong isang taong sunod sa utos o sunudsunuran pero yun lamang ang tanging paraan na alam ko na masuklian ang lahat ng kanilang ginawa para sa akin.

Alam ko, sa pagdating ng panahon na ako ay lilisan sa kanilang piling, kung ano man ang mangyari sa akin sa kapangyarihan ng may kapal, sila lang ang mga tanging tao na alam ko na sa kabila ng lahat, ay tatanggapin pa rin nila ako sa kanilang piling ng walang bahid ng poot, pagsisisi at pag-aalinlangan dahil sila ay ang aking pamilya.

Maraming Salamat at sa makahuli, Magandang Umaga.

lately, my mind has been so out of tune. i cant think right, i am always laughing at jokes that doesnt make sense, i walk as if i dont know where to go, i do things which i am not capable of doing and all sorts of stuff that makes me think of nothing but suicide. im so dull as of the moment and i need a reboot in my system! help! //_-)

i dont know if that text message i got this morning was a bunch of bull, but it says something about the koreans. the message stated something about a korean blogger (who was not named) who said "have you heard the news? the monkey island philippines is flooded. i hope the rain never stop to drown those monkeys!" and they went laughing.

another source (they said it was on twitter) stated that "they will all die because monkeys cant swim!" and then they laughed again.

now, what am i trying to say here? well, yesterday KIM BUM guested over at entertainment live with an interpreter along by his side. KIM BUM is in the country to shoot a PEPSI ad with our very own talent MS. MAJA SALVADOR. he arrived last week i think and ever since he arrived, he did nothing but work and did several guestings to some entertainment shows. on his statement yesterday at entertainment live, he said he feels sorry to those victims of the typhoon ondoy and the super typhoon pepeng. he even extended his help by donating something, of which i dont really know. but the question is...do you believe that these KOREANS really call us monkeys? well, i do!

as far as i know, koreans are one of the racist people in the face of the planet. not only they despise people because of their races, they tend to have this superiority attitude over people that they think who are not deserving enough to live on earth, and unfortunately, for them we are one of these people. philippines is not only reported as one of the poorest countries in the world, but also, philippines ranks NO.1 in the most corrupt country in the world.

now, we filipinos idolize these koreans so much that we come to a point that we forget who we are and what we are to some people. most of the time, we tend to be ignorant about them when in fact, we are all the same. we are humans! the only thing that differs them from us is that they are celebrities and we are normal people. why cant we just treat them like we treat other people? its not that they need special attention from us, unless you would consider them retartds, puttin aside the fact that they are retarded-looking, then we have all the right to treat them so.

we have this certain attitude that i dont know how to call that kind of attitude that, when it comes to celebrities, we tend to do everything we can just to praise them. from buying notebooks, to pens, to poster and magazines, following their websites and personal blogs (if ever they have the intelligence to make one) and buying all sorts of memorabilias of them but when it comes to helping our own country when it is in deep shit, what do we do? we ignore! NINGAS COGON...is it an appropriate term? im not even sure. right now, our country needs our help and some of us just dont seem to care about it.

its disappointing to know that this is really happening. i mean, c'mon people...cant we do better than this? these koreans, they come here to our country to learn english and they should stay that way. they shouldnt be treating us like some lowly peasants that they can just push around. remind them that they are in our territory and they should watch their words and actions. they cant just come here and act as if this place is their last resort because all over the world, we offer the best education at the lowest rate possible. and its not a sign of desperation and a sign of extreme poverty. it only shows that we filipinos can do anything despite all the trials that we are undergoing at our present stature in life. we are hardworking, determined and we are truly dedicated to whatever profession or career that we choose. we are not just "MONKEYS WHO CANT SWIM!" we are as intelligent as anyone from across the globe and we are not just some pushovers. we are not weak. in fact, we are the most strong-willed people there is.

these koreans, they dont deserve our hospitalty! they dont deserve anything from us at all. i know that not all of the koreans have this attitude but i cant help it. i am sick and tired of these jerks who act like they own us. they act as if we are their slaves and its just pure bull!

the only thing that i can say back to these koreans is...KUNG UNGGOY KAMI, ANO KAYO? ALBINO MONKEYS? NEK-NEK NYO! MGA RETARDED, EPILEPTIC SNAKES! S*** NYO! KADIRI NYO. BAHO PA NANG HININGA NYO, ANG BAHO PA NG MGA UGALI NYO! UMUWI KAYO SA BANSA NYO AT KUMAIN NG KIMCHI BUONG ARAW !

id rather hold a glass filled with beer than hold a pen when i dont know what to write...id rather get drunk than get a headache from thinking of all the things to do in school...id rather light up a cigarette than light up my room, staying up late completing projects, writing down essays and working my brain out as if there is no tomorrow.

id rather be with people who think nothing but having a good time, taking each moment in, letting it pass and wait for whatever comes next, talking out loud, never minding what people have to say about them, doing what they like to do with no one standing in their way. id rather walk than take a bus. i would feel much better if pain motivates me to move forward than to sit around a bus, waiting for the time that i would be where i would supposed to be.

id rather sit on the damp grass, feeling the coldness of the night, the stenchy smell of mud beneath my back, staring at the stars, wishing that someday a star would fall upon my hand and grant me three wishes like a genie would, making the most out of it. how i wish my life was a fairy tale, then i would not think of how my life would end because i know it would be a happy ending.

id rather be stuck somewhere with the birds and the bees and the bugs and the trees than following a certain path alone. id rather be accompanied by a lonely, harmless dragon than to ride with a prince in a shining armor. that way, people would'nt make so much of a comment about me. they make me sick and they just add up to my everyday list of things to eliminate in this messed up world.

id rather play a villain than to play a princess in an opera. id rather be Figaro than be Pinocchio so that my actions would better tell the world how i feel about it than to speak out loud but never heard. id rather...id rather...id rather get drunk! lets go for some shots! //_-)

you can never really tell what's the difference between reality and fantasy. in one minute, you are so overwhelmed of the fact that all the things that somewhat makes you jubilant are just a 'tap-on-the-back' away but then again, when you blink your tiny little eyes, everything seems to fall down to pieces and there you are, staring at a stranger across the street, wondering if everything was just a dream or were they just pure games of your emotions...toying with your weakness, using it against you thus, making you so damn fragile and you breaks you down into pieces.

the world is so messed up, you just dont know what to do...if the world is messed up, would you be messed up too?