i kinda miss those days. i found my high school journal and it made me laugh out loud when i get to read what i have written in that notebook of mine. that notebook was an extra notebook by an accident. usually, before the school year starts, every class adviser gives out the required number of notebooks to buy and all those other stuff that we use for homeroom, my most favorite subject of mine i guess. haha. we spend an hour doing nothing and just be crazy and just enjoy our high school life.

anyway, going back to the notebook. im gonna share some of the things that i have written there. it may not be the exact thing that i wrote there, but at least the thought of it is there.

when i flipped the notebook open, the first thing that i was able to read was about me being excited and all that about my upcoming birthday. its some time in 2001 i think, my last year in high school. i said something there: "and today i officially start my countdown to the most important day of my life..." and i cant believe that way back then, i used to be so ecstatic about my birthday, which i found so absurd being excited about nowadays because i think i am way too old for those kinda stuff. being excited about birthdays. sheesh. its a thing of the past that i want to forget about and that's just it.

another thing that really caught my attention when i was reading my high school journal was the short story that i wrote about me and some of my classmates. i have to admit that that story was a bit biased you see, because from all my classmates, i was the only one who was living a life of luxury. haha. pretty mean i guess, but i was still young then. i did not have the sickest imagination yet and i only had a little bit of background about writing stories, so there.

and one funny thing about that story is that most of the things that i wrote in their did not even come true. like for instance, i said something in the story that Tanya Garcia would end up hooking with Olivar Eparwa and they would have kids and stuff. yeah, they both have kids now. but not with each other. Tanya hooked up with another guy who is not from our school. they had one kid. Olivar on the other hand, hooked up with Karel Belcina (we went to the same school in elementary but she transferred when we got to high school) and they had twins. they met up in Silliman University where they both are getting their bachelor's degree. i dont know if both of them are still in school because of the babies, but if not, i think they are both fine.

another thing that made me laugh about the story is that i imagined so many of them ending up with each other and yet none of them came true. it just means that when you are young, your imagination has no limits and i wont debate on that.

ungh. i just miss those freaks so much. they have been having a couple of reunions since we graduated high school, but dont you think its a little bit too early to have those stuff? i want to have a reunion 10 years probably after high school. in that way, there would have been a lot of changes that nobody nor anybody would have thought possible. but, hey! who would not know about a single change in one person when in fact, most of them go to the same school and still hang out together? quite funny to think about. hehe.

high school just keeps bringing me memories of the good old times. how i wish i could turn back time and just do those things all over again. i dont mind being hurt again too, it has always been part of the balance. when you are happy, you get sad and all of these stuff happen in high school. sigh!

being able to be secluded and far away from the things that you usually do makes you think of so many other things that are so important to you but you have ignored for the times that you have been so busy doing all the things that made you say that it is you life. in fact, i have realized that the things that i normally do, are just a part of what made me who i am right now. a small part, actually.

the big chunk of my life still lies wherever GOD takes me after i graduate. come to think of it, i dont know if i can really work that carpet at the venue of the graduation. i dont know if im really up to the challenge to finish school and get a diploma for my degree. i dont even know if i can live my life the way it should be, the way that i dreamed it to be. being able to travel the world, get to see what life has to offer and much, much more.

see? thinking has turned me into someone who i never thought would possibly exist. the thinker me. the me that thinks about the future and worries about things that might happen to me in the next few years or whatever. haha. i wanna laugh out loud, i wanna roll around the floor and just be crazy but in the latter part, do i really wanna do these things because that is what and who i am, or am i just doing it just to escape the thought of being so mellow-dramatic?

oh...why was "mellow-dramatic" uttered? haha. i dont really know. i dont even bother if someday, someone would call me by that. mellow-dramatic. sounds kinda nice, heard it in a movie somewhere, and i love what it means. i would agree though, that i am mellow-dramatic. coz i am. i keep on "emoting" all these things that i dont even know if it would happen or not or are they just clear outputs of my imagination when i have nothing to do except think.

sit in one corner, munching on a biscuit, drinking coffee maybe, smoking...staring into the vast nothingness and just enjoying "the moment". i dont know if you can call it a moment, but i do. its the only time i can get to think of things that im not used to think about and its great...for me though coz i think going through your mind and thinking things over would give you a lot of options on how to live tomorrow better than you did yesterday and just have a smashin' good time. peace. :)

i wonder what it feels like to die. it has always been on my mind lately and i just cant shake the thought off my coconut. i wonder, that what they say about going to the next world (the so-called "after-life") is real.

i wonder how those who got shot, who got stabbed, murdered or those who died in an accident felt when their time was already up. i want to know what they feel, or what's even happening to them when they are on the brink of dying or just simply lay down on the floor, lifeless.

its not that im fascinated about the fact of dying or anything else related to that matter, but honestly, im afraid to die. it may sound funny, hilarious, or outrageous or whatever you may call it, but i want to be prepared for my death.

i know, knowing all these stuff about one might feel when he/she is about to die or anything, is not the right way to be prepared for your death.

for you to be able to prepared for your death, you must be physically, mentally, emotionally or whatever word that ends with "LLY" focused or just be prepared for this thing to happen. but honestly, i dont think i can be ready for my death. just the thought of dying, it just gives me the shivers and goosebumps and i just cant imagine myself being in a coffin, lifeless, pale and stone-cold. brrr. (swear, i just had goosebumps)

i dont know, but i just cant stop thinking about it. sorry.

im glad to hear (and say) that MR. TED FAILON was not proven guilty of killing his own wife. the case was proven to be suicide, which was what they really thought of at first. well, i hope the case dies down and let TED FAILON live his life. he's going through so much right now and i think he deserves a rest.

i want to have a house by the beach. not too big, not too small. maybe a bungalow would be perfect. the whole thing will be native inspired of course, from upholstery to anything that a house needs, its all gonna be made out of raw native materials.

i want to have a camera. i have dreams of becoming a photographer. i want to take pictures of sunrise and sunsets on the beach, boulevard scenes, flowers, butterflies, pots and everything in between.

i want to travel around the world. see new places, get to meet new people. explore the wonders of nature and be inspired by it. riding on an elephant, walking on fire, having a feel-good time somewhere, relaxing and just enjoying the moment. its what life is all about anyway.

i want to be remembered. someday, il have my name posted on every news paper in the country. be seen on television and be heard over at the radio. influential, as what they say, and someone who can inspire and be inspired in return.

i want to be ME. someday, i want to find myself and just be ME. no buts, no ifs. just ME and nobody else.

maybe thinking of a certain so much can make you crazy. i dont want to end up winding up in rehab. its just so not fair.

i dont know what's making me feel like this. im tired but i want to do something which i dont know what. i want to lie down but i cant. im sitting up, but i feel like im going to drop dead on the ground in a couple of minutes. im listening to relaxing music but its not helping. the fan is blowing up @ #3 speed but still it does'nt help me. i need help. i need chocolates. aw? :'(

i wanna cry but tears wont just come out. why? :'(

leave then. i know your doing it for your family's sake and i know your going anyway because its the good life that you want and that the people around you would admire you for being able to chase your dream and being able to live it but is it really what you want?

i dont know if you have noticed or if you have felt it too, but deep inside, i know i love you. honestly, when i heard about you leaving i am like...what? really? i cant believe it. that's why you went suddenly offline. your phone wont ring, ive been sending you messages but you wont even give me a reply. whenever i pass by your house, you're always out with your new-found girlfriend who is so insecure with people like me which she does'nt have to because they are more "normal" than we are but still she is insecure with us. D***! what a dope.

its a good thing i know people who know you and might give me information about you and its a good thing that i always keep in touch with them to keep tabs on you. but just this morning, everything went crashing down when i heard the news. is it really final? what a dumb question, of course it is. duh!? i know, im sorry. ungh! why cant you guys just stay in one place and just be happy with the people around and the things that you have, even if its not the real good stuff, at least you have them.

ungh. i am so down right now. i dont know what to do. i just slept this morning after i found out about you leaving for dubai. you know why? coz i dont want to think about not being able to see you anymore, temporarily i guess and i hope so, coz it just wont make me feel good. i know there are a lot of finer things but...ungh! i am getting nowhere with this post and its all because of you. aside from my real friends, who keep me barely alive, you are one of the perfect reasons i guess why i live in this world. i know we are not meant for each other coz it would be a great contradiction again and again to the balance and to the laws of nature and i understand that.

i plan to be happy if you are happy but why do i feel this now? why do i feel so...empty!? :'(

Jai ho, which means "you are my destiny" in the indian language is translated into the english version by none other than one of my favorite artist(s), the pussycat dolls. in the video at the bottom of the page, it features the original male singer and i think composer of this song, MR. A.R. Rahman.

this song is the soundtrack to the multi-oscar winning movie, the SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. i havent watched the movie yet but a lot of people tell me the movie is really good. its has great lessons to be learned and a very inspiring story about LOVE, DETERMINATION and FRIENDSHIP. i cant wait to watch that movie. im getting my hands on a dvd soon. :)

for a couple of days, Ive lost track of my online life (well, most of them, i was only able to update my facebook yesterday for the reason that i am still halfway through searching my old classmates and im not done yet). here on blogger on the other hand, today is a comeback for me. first, i would like to talk about privacy.

of course, everyone wants privacy in their lives, i mean, who doesn't? one thing i hate about having a shared computer is that, there are several people who are after the computer and worst is, one or the other consumes a lot of time and its kinda annoying dont you think?

this topic will lead me to online games because that is the one thing that i am hating right now. my brother is so addicted to this online game called "dark orbit". early in the morning, he starts playing that game like, insanely. he ditches breakfast and even lunch for that online game.

what does it have to do with me?

well, i wanted to update my blog as often as i can and i know that, in my power, i can update it at least once or twice a day because 24 hours is quite a lot of time and anything can happen and im happy to tell you that there are a lot of things that are happening in my life right now and there are so many things that i want to talk about here on my blog because its the only place in the net that i feel so free to express everything that i want, so there. i hate my brother for being so addicted to the game so what i did, just a couple of hours ago, i blocked "online games" in the parental control feature of the zone alarm security suite that is installed in the computer, meaning, my brother cant access his game tomorrow. haha. i know, im mean, but what can a desperate blogger can do? play fire with fire.

its not just me who is upset about him being so darn addicted to that game, even the owner of the computer is mad at him for one thing and that is damaging the video card of the computer due to over heating. this computer (which is the one i refer to as the shared PC), was assembled by my cousin who is a computer geek. he can tear all the pieces of the computer apart and can put them back together and nothing happens to the thing. well, the incident about the video card being damaged (smelled like melting rubber) got burned and the only person to blame was my brother for playing that game for like the whole day (starting from 6am til 5pm). i dont know how many hours that is because i dont really care because im mad at him too and counting the hours that he spent just by playing that game makes me sick and just makes my blood boil.

and the reason why he always wants to play that game?

he just wants to. can you believe it? imagine this scenario, he was playing it early in the morning and lunch came. he left the computer and it was vacant, meaning, it's another person's turn to use it but after a few minutes, he's back and screams at the one who is currently using the computer that he wants to play and if you say anything, expect the worst. broken doors, dismantled chairs, broken glasses and plates and things hovering in the air because he will just burst with outrage because he wants to play the game and he wants it NOW. i ask you, what will your reaction be if you were in my place?

and do you know how old my brother is? he is turning 36 or 37 this year. hmpf? //_-)

as quoted in an article by MS. JEANETTE I. ANDRADE for the inquirer, GAUDENCIO CARDINAL ROSALES said that

“A homosexual inclination is not bad but acting it out is an entirely different matter, and that is what is written in the sacred scriptures...”

i would really have to agree to that. i mean, there is really no harm for a gay to become a priest but, as pointed out, there is quite a big difference between a homosexual that is sexually inclined and a homosexual acting it out. what im trying to point out is that, some (if not most) of the gay people are not really that bad. its just the matter of how they live their lives as a homosexual, either being a cross-dresser, trans-gender or whatever you would like to call them, or not.

when i heard it being discussed over the television this morning, i was really surprised to hear that there is this one specific priest (which was unnamed) who is gay. at first, i was like, "is he allowed to do that? being gay and all that..." but after thinking things over and making a couple of conclusions of my own, i thought, its not that bad i guess, if only you stick to the plan of being a priest and all that, that you would preach the word of God and nothing else and vow to "go to the right path" this time in your life, then there is no reason for you to be stopped. this is why you exist and finally, your life's purpose has dawned on you after all these years.

but as i have read articles about it online, i discovered that the priest community are not actually alarmed by this issue. only, they are having this critical analysis of some sort on how to address this issue and how to make it sound less immoral or anything of the matter.

why did i say immoral? well, basing on the bible, "OUR" existence in this world is really an obstruction or rather a contradiction, a total twist to the laws of nature and of the laws of GOD simply because the bible states that there are only two gender, the male and the female. no GAY or LESBIAN is stated in the bible and that thought itself clearly states why we are condemned for what we are. people think of us as "immoral" for acting and behaving unusual to what we are supposed to be.

but honestly, it doesn't really matter of what and who we are. its the matter of being able to live our lives as how it was intended to be, a GIFT from GOD. if you want to question him about why he made us, go ahead! the pleasure is all yours. as much as i wanted to ask him that too, i am not in the position to do so. what is there to do is to cherish it and be thankful that he made us like this and that he has given us a chance to see what wonders he had created for man-kind rather than sulking in one corner and just condemn and isolate yourself from the many things that life has to offer.

life has no second chances, only opportunities. the best thing to do is just enjoy life. even if it gives you more downs than ups, what matters is that you find your purpose in life and live it. to quote CARDINAL again:

“even if [the priest] has [homosexual] inclinations, it does not immediately mean that he is evil.”

i would have to agree to this one again. i mean, why cant you just accept us in the community? anyway, its the only place we belong, to be amongst all the living being (humans and animals alike). even if we acted twisted and all that, not all of us have evil minds. we are only here for one purpose and one purpose only and that is to live the life that GOD has given us and just be thankful that he did and just enjoy the blessings that come along the way. we know that life has its own ways but have you forgotten this one specific "old school" quote that goes something like this: "life has many surprises..."?

it pays to watch tv these days. im thankful for not being able to use the computer and make an update as often as i do coz i got stuck with nothing to do but watch tv.

last night, one of the few news that made a buzz was MR. TED FAILON's wife got shot. yip. if you have'nt heard of it yet, might as well watch the tv then coz there are updates about it every hour along with other issues that made a buzz in our country today.

if you dont know MR. TED FAILON, well, he is one of the news anchor of TV PATROL and an announcer over at DZMM. last night, his wife was found dead in their own bathroom. the weird thing about this issue is that the main suspect is MR. TED FAILON himself.

he admitted that he and his wife had a big fight and that he never thought that something like this would happen. aside from the fact that his wife left him a letter saying that she greatly apologizes for their fight and all, he is still the major suspect of this incident. in his defense, he stated that it is impossible for him to shoot his own wife since he wasn't with her at the time when her wife was found in their bathroom. for one thing, he was at work in the morning and his wife was at home and when he came home that night (the same day) his wife wasn't at home so, it is clear that there is no way that he could've done the crime. aside from that, why would he kill his own wife? the only woman that he loved?

but this didn't make the authorities all soft and believed him at once. they are still not convinced and just recently, he was apprehended to come to the police station to give another statement about what happened and again, it made another buzz because he refused to go with the authorities. according to him, why would he surrender himself willingly to the police for another statement when in fact, he already said what he had to say and that he answered what the police had asked him. another thing is that, the police weren't able to secure a warrant of arrest. clearly, under the law, it is a "no no" to force somebody to come along with them if they dont have the proper documentations so, there.

my opinion about this is that, it really is impossible for him to do such a crime, i mean...his statements are clear and he is still in his right state of mind, unless if they can prove that FAILON is sick in the head and is going mad, then that is the time that i would side with the so-called good guys in the society. another thing is that, how could someone like TED FAILON do such a thing? a known journalist in his own right be a criminal and the worst, to his own wife? i mean...really, is he that sick in the head or what? prove it then.

besides, he admitted that they (he and his wife) had a big argument and he said that, if its regarding money matters, he can always find ways on how to solve it. but then, people just cant stop imagining things and that they are way too smart and started to spread around a rumor saying that his wife is "nangangaliwa". c'mon, cant you be more creative than that? this ain't no street side story. it involves known people and something that shallow, be the reason behind all this?

Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying.

most of it are true. some of it, i still have to prove that i am or if do i have those traits. hehe. and i love what it says about me. its just so...ME! :)

yeah, easter sunday is fun but it's so hot! Gosh! what is wrong with the world? i wanna go and take another dip in the water. my body is just heating up every second.

im so in love with this woman right now. im currently addicted to tekken 5, and she's in it. i love her capoiera moves (which are also used for "eddy" and "tiger" in other tekken game versions. as ive done a couple of researches on her, i found out that NAMCO, creator of tekken, really hired (or should i say invited) a capoiera master to japan just to have these amazing characters created for the game. aside from christie montero, i also love xiaoyu's character (the sakura-like girl who is an original tekken character along with eddy and jin, which i think are the most famous ones). what i love about these ladies are that they know how to kick but with style. i love how xiaoyu uses her ancient chinese martial arts or something and christie, do the capoiera and everything. im a fan of the brazilian art but i havent tried it yet. though in th future, im planning to take up capoiera lessons just for me to be able to do what christie can do. im just so in love with her. hehe.

oh, what a dreamy night. every summer night is so hot, i dont know what to do to get rid of the hotness. oops. my bad. hehe. i want the nights to be a little bit colder, like 0 degrees or something. hehe. that might be freezing, but its quite worth it after being burned by the heat of the sun for a couple of weeks now and im hating for several reasons eh.

for one thing, its making me have a charcoal-like skin tone. its burning me like hell. next,it makes me bleed. aw? not literally, i just want to use the word for it's brutality. hehe. and all other damgaes that it does to human life and i hate it. hmpf. but i still love christie. :)

i need motivation. someone who can make me say when i get out of bed in the morning that, life is never really that bad, it just needs a little getting used to.

it may sound funny but i miss blue's clues! hehe. i was emoting a few seconds ago (seriously, i went black for a couple of seconds) and blue's clues came into my mind. another thing is that, i want to write something tonight and i dont know what's the title going to be so i decided it's "blue". hehe. yun! blue's clues came into my mind.

also, when i think of blue's clues, i remember my classmate way back then in high school named "Hope". its was on our sophomore year when it happened. recess time was over and we were on our way to our classroom. on the staircase (right wing of SPUD HS dept building) hope was busy chatting with jezar and i was a couple of flights below them and on that time, naging uso sa aming year level ang mag "flip" ng skirts ng mga girls and what the girls would do in return to us, they reach down our crotch and grab the balls. really funny when i remember it but going back, ok go. that was the situation. i was on an advantage coz hope was ahead of me and back then, we always tease hope for being a "tomboy" (lesbian) and flipping skirts, man, she hates it. so yun. out of the blue, i suddenly flipped her skirt and her panties showed.

are you following closely? by now, you can already guess why related ang post na toh kay blue's clues. ok, im giving it a go! its because her panties was blue's clues! by the time i saw it, i was already laughing my ass out! literally. i was like rolling on the floor (made my uniform look like shit from all the dirt) and the people that happens to follow us, and the people that were ahead of us and those that are inside the CR nearby, rushed to the staircase and peeped on us and when they found out what the commotion was all about, they too went rolling on the floor.

the end result, hope went home crying at lunch time. luckily, she didnt tell her mom about what happened. well, of course, that afternoon i apologized to her but she didnt talk to me for like a week and that made things worse because we belong in the same class and not talking to her made me feel bad.

i dont know if i made things to make her talk to me or whatever, but after that we became friends again. that experience taught me several things.

for one thing, not all teenage girls love boys. some still love cartoons (and most of them love to wear them around and be their secret company wherever they go) and i have to admit that until now, i still love cartoons and all those kiddy shows and im not ashamed of telling the whole world about it. in fact, im proud of it. hehe.

another is that, high school life is the best scholastic life there is. i badly miss being a HS student but life has to move on. at least, it gave me a lot of good memories to remember and along goes with it are the bad ones which i dont want to remember but id rather keep coz again, it taught me something. :)

its maundy thursday, nothing to do but finish off a cigarette. i didnt have lunch, didnt feel like eating. just a couple of minutes ago, i swallowed down 4 crackers, a bread and im about to open 3 munchers...i love muncher so much. i dont know what i like about muncher. is it the peas or the flavor? dont really care, as long as i can eat at least 10 pcs a day, then there's no problem at all. i just love it! :) hehe.

hmpf, what to talk about? well, for one thing, im not extatic about "semana santa". though its the only time of the year to remember how Jesus Christ made the ultimate sacrifice ever and that is to let himself be nailed to the cross for the sake of Man-kind. how i pity him so much. but, looking at the bright side, if he didnt do it, we wouldnt be here in the first place. i think its the whole idea of it. to remember why we are here and we should pay tribute to that. i mean, people from all walks of life make different sacrifices for them too. its either to relieve that day when Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice or to do it as sacrifice for a specific someone.

ok, wait. i think i didnt say that one very well. what i meant was, people do the same kinda stuff that jesus did back then. being nailed to the cross, slash themselves at the back with whatever they want while walking several miles and everything. do you get my point? well, for me some do it, as ive said, to relieve that moment when Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice ever. some do it as a favor or something for a special someone who is sick or dying. more like something to do in return for the help that God might give them.

when i was a kid, i thought it was cool and all that, seeing people bleeding from the slashing and everything while walking the streets, hiding their faces in masks. some, sweating like pigs while carrying this very big cross that would mean carrying all Jesus' burdens for a couple of days and on saturday i think, they would have themselves nailed to the cross. but as i grew older, its not that cool at all. i mean, seeing the grusome stuff like bleeding as an end-result to their sacrifice, it makes me think that, what is the point in all of this? i have my own theories but i dont really exaclty get the whole point of the semana santa. i dont want to sound stupid or anything, its just that i dont get a single thing about it. i just sit on my chair, wait for something to happen or if not, do something to get out of boredom that this event brings me. call me anything you want, but that's how i celebrate "semana santa".

while others go to bora or to any beach or fancy resorts, i get stuck at home and be bored. that is something. hmpf. out of the ordinary. extreme! :(

for the past two weeks, i've been drowned in silence. far away from the city noise and the usual sound of the urban setting. though Oroquieta is a city, its nothing compared to Dumaguete. but, there are a few things that i would think or considering before i would make final judgments to the place and they are as follows.

1. RURAL FEEL. to tell you honestly, i grew up in the rural setting (well, most of it) and what i like about it is that you get the chance to be solitary and connect with your inner self. my stay in Oroquieta made me realize a lot of things that i think i could straighten out in a several ways. it was really a relief for me honestly, being able to think straight and be able to come up with so many ideas and everything just keeps on coming and i just cant stop them. they just pop out of my head and it ended up me with "options".
2. NEW PLACE, NEW ADVENTURE. it really was a new adventure for me. the last time i've been to the place was 6yrs ago and man, there has been a lot of changes and it was really fascinating that i was able to go back to that place and be with the people that i was with in the past, though some got lost along the way (may they rest peacefully) but it did'nt stop me from enjoying every single day.
3. A DIFFERENT ENVIRONMENT. for one thing, people think of Mindanao as the battle ground of the Philippine Archipelago but, to tell you honestly, not everybody participates in that war. well, i would have to admit that roughly around 70% is involved in the so-called "war" or whatever and its just sad. but, im happy to announce that Oroquieta is not part of it, TG! :)

   and lastly,

4. LOVING THE PLACE. well, two weeks is a bit long for a mild vacation stay. and to tell you the truth, i grew fond of the place. as i've said earlier, i love the solitary moments that i have all for myself with nobody and nothing to disturb me and just enjoy the company of "ME". i grew to love the people and everything that goes along with it and it's quite fun to think about.

to sum it all up, im dumbfounded about and flabbergasted about the whole setup. me being lost in that island and just enjoy it. though the trip was unexpected, i traveled unprepared but still, i enjoyed every single moment i had 'coz i know for myself that, after that experience, it would take ages before i can do it all over again and by that time, it would be too late for everything. on the bright side, im still young and i still have a lot of time to do the things that i want in life and one of it is going back to that place and just do everything all over again and just be free.

yeah, im not saying good bye. im just starting up another blog, that's all. hehehe. il keep this blog active as well, but for now, i have to get used to the interface of the additional home of my thoughts, my site at wordpress. that blog of mine will be much more exclusive and much more "personal" (and notice the quote on the word) and i think its gonna be a new adventure. hehe. i still love blogger and i think im gonna love wordpress.

i have so many things in mind but i dont know how to express them. i barely keep those thoughts longer than i can remember them. every now and then, i keep on having them but just as ive said, i lose them by the time i have them. weird eh? hmpf...i just dont know what to talk about but i just love on typing these words out here. is this the expressing stuff? i think so.

i wanna be remembered someday. :)

as i went for a stroll in the park, i saw an old lady and her grand-daughter walking side by side through the stony boulevard sidewalk. i cant help but stare at them for i was marveled by their presence. watching them made me realize of what future i might have, if i would be that old woman being accompanied by my grand-daughter or grand-son, strolling in the parking late in the afternoon basking under the warm rays of the sun. anyway, going back to the story. i cant help but come up with a perfect dialogue for them, since im a couple of meters away from them and i cant hear them, so i made up my own conversation that are results of my wild imagination.

LOLA BASYANG (LB): alam mo apo, hindi ko magawang kalimutan ang aking mga matatamis na alaala dito sa mismong boulevard na'to

APO(grand-daughter): pwede ko ba'ng malaman kung ano yun, lola?

LB: aba syempre naman. wala naman tayo'ng ibang pwede'ng gawin dito sa park kundi mag-kwentuhan.

LB: isang araw nu'ng ako ay isang dilag pa, may nakilala akong lalake dito, OO, dito mismo sa park na 'toh at ang pangalan niya ay si edgar. alam mo, nu'ng una ko siya'ng makita, akala ko, isa siya sa mga lalakeng gusto ako paglaru-an. pero nu'ng araw na yun, dun ko nalaman na natatangi siya, espesyal siya at alam ko na hindi ko makakalimutan ang araw na yun.

APO: ganun po ba? eh ano ang nangyari?

LB: naging madalas ang pagkikita namin dito. eh, halos araw-araw na yata kami'ng nagkwekwentuhan dito at sa banda'ng huli, naging malapit kami sa isa't-isa.

APO: si lolo po ba ito'ng lalake na sinasabi mo lola?

LB: hindi. si edgar, siya ang aking "first love".

APO: huh? pwede ba yun? bakit naman po hindi?

LB: hindi pwede kasi si edgar ay isang sundalo noon sa rebolusyon. nagkagulo ang buong pilipinas at halos sa lahat ng sulok, may gyera.

APO: ganun po ba? eh, ano'ng nangyari sa kanya?

LB: dumating ang araw na ipinagtapat niya sa aking ang totoo niya'ng pagka-tao,na isa siya'ng sundalo at kasali siya sa rebolusyon. simula noon, hindi na ako nakipagkita sa kanya. nung araw na yun, sinabi ko sa kanya na hindi ko gusto'ng umibig sa isang tao na nabubuhay sa pakikipagpatayan sa kapwa niya.

APO: huh? ang sakit mo naman magsalita lola. hindi po ba siya nasaktan sa mga sinabi mo sa kanya?

LB: siguro, nasaktan siya nang husto. ilang araw niya ako'ng sinusundan, nagdadasal siya na patawarin ko siya dahil sa hindi niya pagsabi sa aking kaagad kung ano siya at bigyan ko siya ng isa pa'ng pagkakataon, pero naging matigas ako at hanggang sa bigla na siyang nawala at hindi na kami nagkita'ng muli.

APO: ano po ang nangyari sa kanya?

LB: sumama siguro sa gyera at ipinagpatuloy ang mga pangarap niya sa buhay bilang isang sundalo at hindi na kami nagkita simula nun. hanggang ngayon, nasa isip ko pa rin siya sa kabila ng lahat.

APO: ganun po ba. sayang noh? siya sana ang naging lolo ko ngayon.

LB: Oo iha, siya sana.

after i got lost in the island called Mindanao, im finally back. i missed my online life and i just cant help but cry. aw? ahahahahahaha! far-out ouy! bitaw, i missed everything. i cant post exactly what i have in mind right now coz im having a bit of a "jet-lag" from byahe, so maybe tomorrow nalang or something. but im including a picture of the place where i went. aw? sakto ba? kever ouy! :)