cold mornigs...sleepless nights

its been roughly then fourth day that i have spent my sleepless nights at the hospital. stressful, i might say but there is nothing that i can do. pops wakes me up at 12:47AM, 2:00AM, 3:40AM, 4:55AM and 5:30AM...who could survive a day having only the time in between those i specified above? i mean, yeah, i sometime wake up at the wee hours of the night but that doesnt mean that i am immune to waking up as often as i can and sleep less often. that is way too harsh. its not yet part of my system...im still trying to adopt that thing and im not used to it yet...hmpf...//_-)

and by the time i finally decide to get up and bar the door, (hahahaha...lit115) i get out of the hospital as soon as my father confirms that he does not want anything to be done, i leave and go to my second home, BD...i walk from the hospital to BD and grab myself a cup of steaming hot coffee (yum!) to wake me up. i can say it is my morning ritual, even at home. hmpf. im not really sure where this post is heading. i think its senseless but i dont care. im so cranked up right now. my brain wont work as it would work on normal days, and since pops got into the hospital, i dont consider my day normal. ive been feeling like dung and everything is so messed up i just dont know what to do.

as how would carla start her blog, it would have to be something like this...

current mood: F***ed up!

current feeling: doozy...

outfit: a pair of hand-me-down pants that has been worn twice this week, an old shirt, a pair of shoes with a pair of holes on each shoe...

my hands are so shaky right now and my fingers cant key in the right letters for the words that i want to type in...damn. i know, im sick...aw? drama. hahahaha. xD promise, my hands are so shaky. its been shaky since monday morning and i dont know how to make it stop shaking. everytime i write, i put down a cup of coffee, i light up a cigarette, my hands just get so shaky. ungh. frustrating, yeah...it is. frankly, i dont know what else to say. im hoping that the doctors would discharge pops now and that we will continue his medication at home. its so tiring in the hopsital and i just dont seem to feel at peace with myself and with the people around me. hmpf. please help me pray...//_-)